Do you ever wonder...

...if maybe you're not living your best life?  Like maybe you have so much potential for things you could be doing, and you don't even realize it?  Or maybe you do but you're too afraid to do anything about it or you don't know where to start?  That's kind-of where my head is right now.
Every so often, I think about this subject.  Usually it's spurred by something that's said by someone much more influential than I'm fairly certain I could ever hope to be.  Most recently, it came by way of a Q&A session with one of my currently favorite actors that was livestreamed from Comic Con a few weeks ago via YouTube (don't even get me started on him, I could talk about him for hours about all of the dorky things he does that somehow make me wish I could know him personally that much more.  I mean, really...who knew a velociraptor impression would be so intriguing and attractive?  Ahem...and I digress).  It was a quote that I believe goes something like this: We all have two lives, the second one begins when you realize you only have one.
Ever since I heard that, it's been on my mind.  I like my job, and I'm good at it.  But sometimes I long to do something that I'm great at.  That I love.  That I would never tire of.  My main struggle: what would that be?  And once I figure that out, if I ever figure that out, how do I even begin to steer myself in the right direction?
I suppose that the best place to start would be to think about some of the things that I love, and then go from there.  So, here goes...

I love to read, I think I always have.  My mom says that I was in kindergarten when she found me reading a book to one of our kittens, who was passed out on my lap.  Until then, she hadn't had any idea that I even knew how to read.  My sister would read books to me, and I think that I had heard the stories so many times that I had the words memorized and I figured out on my own what all those strange little symbols were and how they each sounded and how they related to each other.  I think what I love most about reading is the level of description the author provides to the reader that allows the reader to form a clear picture of the location, of the action, of the characters and their interactions (unless the author goes too far into detail with their description...sorry, J.R.R. Tolkien, I tried to read The Hobbit, but after several pages, there was still no introduction of any of the characters, and I lost interest).  As a friend once eloquently said, I don't just read books...I inhale them.  As soon as I finish one book in a series, often within just a few hours, I crave more.  There is this inexplicable need to immerse myself in the next one.  How amazing is it when one book can make you feel, really feel...can make you cry one minute and laugh the next.  When you can have tears running down your face from having your heart destroyed, and a smile on your face from the humor the characters display.
So I love to read, but what do I do with that?  I've thought, often, about trying my hand at writing.  I took a writing class in college, and I was intrigued by the concept I chose for, if memory serves, my final assignment.  It focused on a character who may not have been who he seemed, or who he wanted everyone to believe he was (I only just realized today that this is, in some ways, similar to The Great Gatsby.  But first, I make no claims to be even close to as good a writer as F. Scott Fitzgerald.  I know I'm not.  And second, I've never even read The Great Gatsby.  The movies?  Yes, seen them.  Really, though, Tobey Maguire?  Bad casting choice, in my opinion.  Anyway...).  The topic interested my professor (or teacher's aide?  It was so long ago that I don't even remember anymore), but there were so many questions he posed that I couldn't even begin to answer.  Who was the narrator?  How was he/she related to the character?  Why did he/she want to expose the character? Did he/she hold some sort of a grudge against the character, and as a result, was he/she even someone the reader could trust?  It was in my head that the character was formed, yet even I couldn't figure out the complete picture.
Since then, I've dabbled here and there in private.  Mostly it's because I often tell myself stories at night when I'm trying to sleep.  I write my stories down or type them up if I get stuck, it helps me to move the story along.  Sometimes it works, sometimes I give up and start over.  There's never been a story I've been able to see through to the end, but I've never figured out why, whether I've just decided that it's not good enough to continue, or I don't have the creativity to formulate a decent ending, besides "and they lived happily ever after."  I've considered, with some storylines, asking someone to read what I've written, in order to gain some feedback.  Is it good?  Is it original?  Is it interesting?  But I've never gone through with it.  Am I holding myself back?  I don't know, maybe one day I'll just go for it.  We'll see.

And then there's music.  I love music.  I love that there is at least one song for every situation, every feeling, every emotion.  I love that when I'm in a bad mood, I can listen to angry music to help get it out of my system.  I love that when I'm feeling sad, there is an entire list of songs that feel the same way, even if it's not for the same reasons.  And I absolutely love that there's that one song that always cheers me up or makes me happy, and I can't help but move to the beat.  Currently, that song is You Make My Dreams Come True by Hall & Oates.  Don't judge, you listen to the song and tell me it doesn't make you want to dance.
I legitimately enjoy putting together playlists for friends, full of music they've never heard of but I know, or at least hope, that they'll come to love as I do.  As a result, I have a few friends that call me Rocker Gina, or \m/ Gina (please don't make me explain that one to you...just revel in its awesomeness).  Unfortunately, more often than not, I get distracted halfway through creating some of my playlists and they never get finished or shared.  And then I get reminded, and I tell them, "Oh yeah, sure, I'm working on it."  And most of the time it's true.
But anyway, my dream job, out of all dream jobs that could ever be, would definitely have something to do with music.  I watch TV shows that I love, and there's just such great music on the show that I can't get enough of.  It just sets the scene so well, makes you feel like you're a part of the show.  And I think, I would LOVE to do something like that, to choose what songs are played when.  But then, could I really do that?  There are songs that I never would have heard of if not for the fact that someone else chose them and did all the work involved for getting the song lists approved.  I've looked into it, and they do so much work.  They watch a scene, and then they pick a song and they propose the use of that song to a director or producer, and then they contact the powers that be for permission to use that song, or at least a piece of that song, and that doesn't even include payment negotiations with the artist or record company and so many other things they do (yes, I've looked into it). 
And then there's the vast musical knowledge a person would need to have for a job like that.  I have, I think, a fairly wide (random, at times) taste in music.  I mean, I've got some pretty weird stuff on my iPod, just ask some of those that have seen it.  But my goodness, there is so much music out there that I've never heard!  And then there's the stuff that I hated at first listen but now I can't stop listening to it.  And those are the songs that I end up listening to over and over and over again while telling myself I'll never get sick of them, until one day I can't stand to listen to even one more time, and then I give myself a few days or weeks or months or years and I can listen to them over and over and over again.

I also love staring at men I think are handsome and watching them in movies and TV shows and stuff, but what could come from that?   I could become a professional stalker and get arrested and go to jail...yeah, maybe not.

I know I've been rambling on about these things for far too long, and I probably should go back and cut out a few things, but books and music are really the two things I'm most passionate about.  This is how I really feel about them.  And if you've read this entire post, you are a trooper and there's not a whole lot for me to offer.  If you were hoping I would have revealed the perfect solution, then you are sorely mistaken, because I am just as confused about my future as you are.  Guess I'll just have to continue evaluating and pondering my life until I figure out whatever it is that I am great at and that I love.