Okay, okay. I admit it, I have stepped on the scale a few times this week. Seriously, I need to hide that thing or have someone hide it from me. I've gone from going months at a time avoiding the thing to checking it every couple of days to see what kind of progress I have or haven't made. Dear self, you've only been doing this for a week and a half, did you really think you were going to lose ten pounds in that short time? The truth is, yes. Yes, I did. My first few days saw a loss of over three and a half pounds. When I saw that, I thought to myself, that's incredible! I know it's not safe to lose more than a couple of pounds a week, but I'm heavy enough that more than that in the beginning is totally fine! You know what hasn't been fine? The fact that I've gotten up on that scale several times since then...first thing in the morning, right after going to the bathroom, right after getting out of the shower...and the number has gotten higher. What is happening???
Well, I think I have the answer...or at least AN answer. Did I warm up before my workouts? Yes, if you consider rocking out to Vanilla Ice warming up. Have I been doing my mobility issues? You betcha. Squats, lunges, push-ups? Modified, yes. I know my body and its current condition well enough to know that attacking those things fully would do more damage than good. I've got one knee that it hurts to kneel on because of a surgical scar, and the other one hurts going up and down the stairs (and what is going to help it out? Squats...go figure). But I feel like for some of the workouts I've done, especially this week, I've been phoning it in a bit. Today was active recovery day, which means 15-60 minutes of moderate activity in addition to day-to-day activity. I sat on my bed all day and thought dancing around a bit while getting ready for bed would suffice. News flash: it's not good enough, and I know it.
So this, today, right here, is my official re-commitment. I commit to giving as much as I can every day, even if it's walking in place for a while. I commit to using my standing desk for at least two hours of every workday. I commit to making up any workouts I miss due to scheduling conflicts. I commit to adding more water until I am drinking, at a minimum, 100 ounces a day. I commit to being more conscientious of the quantity and makeup of what I eat, not just healthy versus unhealthy. I'm sure I'll need to re-commit often, sometimes daily, sometimes weekly. But this is a new beginning to start over.
Wednesday, January 11, 2017
Thursday, January 5, 2017
New Year, New Beginnings
I don't know if there is anyone who ever actually reads my blog anymore...or at all. Why would you? I haven't posted anything in two and a half years, and let's be honest, my life (or at least the things I've posted in the past) are not earth-shattering my any means. So why am I here tonight? Well, I'll tell you. I need a place to vent. I need an outlet. And while Facebook is okay for some things, I don't want to bombard or burden others with my constant thoughts. And sometimes I just want to let things out and let go of them. While the supportive comments are nice, sometimes I just don't need them. So here goes...
On Monday, January 2nd, I embarked on a nutrition/fitness challenge. I paid a fee to become an official member. As an official member, I will receive a t-shirt, a wristband, and access to nutrition and fitness plans. It also doesn't hurt that this program was started by a handsome Scottish actor as a way to support his favorite charity (half of the fees goes toward a blood cancer charity he supports) AND give back to the community to help people complete a challenge they've set out for themselves, physical or not. For the money I spent on it, it's a pretty good deal. There is a meal plan that I have chosen not to follow for the time being, although I do plan on trying out some of the delicious-looking recipes given. I am, however, doing my best at following the fitness plan. I've only been doing this for four days, and my legs are already sore, but I'm optimistic this will help me get out of the downward spiral I've been on for the past 16 years.
Here's what's gotten me upset tonight. I'm sure she's well-meaning, but a roommate asked me how my New Years' resolution was going. I admit, I probably didn't respond in the best way. But I want to be very clear: This is not a New Years' resolution. It never was, and it never will be. Resolutions do not and have not ever worked for me. Sure, I suppose I could have tried out the old resolutions one more year. "I resolve to eat healthier." Great, that works until someone brings home or makes something laden with sugar and tells me I have to eat some because they can't eat it all. "I resolve to work out more." Okay, what happens when there's nobody around to be accountable to? Who wants to go out in the frigid cold to go to a gym packed full of people who have made the same resolution? Just like them, I will either stop going after a couple of weeks, or I will never go at all.
Yes, I admit that part of my motivation for jumping into this program was because of the handsome Scottish actor mentioned above. But the fact of the matter is that I have been unhappy for a very long time. I'm unhappy with my body, I'm unhappy with my weight, I'm unhappy with how I see myself. And either I've been too lazy or too unmotivated to do much about it. The weight came on easily, why can't it come off easily as well? Well, that mindset has done me absolutely no favors. I'm close to one hundred pounds over my ideal weight. One hundred pounds! I'm sure a lot of people would balk at that amount and tell me there's no way I am that overweight. And I would probably respond that I carry it well. But the truth is, I do not. I've seen the photos, I am overweight. And it's time I do something about it.
So why isn't my decision to lose weight and eat healthier a New Years' resolution? Yes, it began the day after New Years'. And yes, some of the challenges I hope to accomplish over the next year are some of the typical resolutions made on January 1st. The difference is that this is not something that is going to fizzle out in a few weeks. The difference is that I am choosing to fight for myself and to believe that I am worth it. The difference is that when I last checked, there were 6,190 other people around the world doing similar things and making similar choices in an effort to improve their own lives. There are 6,190 other people on this planet who have got my back and who can give me the encouragement I might need at the drop of a hat. There are 6,190 people I can go to if I have a question or concern about something in the meal plan or the workout videos. The support I've gotten in the past week from people I will probably never even meet has been incredible. And I need that encouragement.
The number I saw when I stepped on my scale to find out my starting weight will never show up there again. There will be a day, soon, when I will be able to wear all those clothes I had to put away because they didn't fit anymore. Soon, I may just have to go shopping for an entire new wardrobe because everything I own is too big. And one day, maybe I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror and thank myself for insisting that I was worth fighting for, even if I'm the only one doing the fighting. This is not a resolution, it's a lifestyle change.
On Monday, January 2nd, I embarked on a nutrition/fitness challenge. I paid a fee to become an official member. As an official member, I will receive a t-shirt, a wristband, and access to nutrition and fitness plans. It also doesn't hurt that this program was started by a handsome Scottish actor as a way to support his favorite charity (half of the fees goes toward a blood cancer charity he supports) AND give back to the community to help people complete a challenge they've set out for themselves, physical or not. For the money I spent on it, it's a pretty good deal. There is a meal plan that I have chosen not to follow for the time being, although I do plan on trying out some of the delicious-looking recipes given. I am, however, doing my best at following the fitness plan. I've only been doing this for four days, and my legs are already sore, but I'm optimistic this will help me get out of the downward spiral I've been on for the past 16 years.
Here's what's gotten me upset tonight. I'm sure she's well-meaning, but a roommate asked me how my New Years' resolution was going. I admit, I probably didn't respond in the best way. But I want to be very clear: This is not a New Years' resolution. It never was, and it never will be. Resolutions do not and have not ever worked for me. Sure, I suppose I could have tried out the old resolutions one more year. "I resolve to eat healthier." Great, that works until someone brings home or makes something laden with sugar and tells me I have to eat some because they can't eat it all. "I resolve to work out more." Okay, what happens when there's nobody around to be accountable to? Who wants to go out in the frigid cold to go to a gym packed full of people who have made the same resolution? Just like them, I will either stop going after a couple of weeks, or I will never go at all.
Yes, I admit that part of my motivation for jumping into this program was because of the handsome Scottish actor mentioned above. But the fact of the matter is that I have been unhappy for a very long time. I'm unhappy with my body, I'm unhappy with my weight, I'm unhappy with how I see myself. And either I've been too lazy or too unmotivated to do much about it. The weight came on easily, why can't it come off easily as well? Well, that mindset has done me absolutely no favors. I'm close to one hundred pounds over my ideal weight. One hundred pounds! I'm sure a lot of people would balk at that amount and tell me there's no way I am that overweight. And I would probably respond that I carry it well. But the truth is, I do not. I've seen the photos, I am overweight. And it's time I do something about it.
So why isn't my decision to lose weight and eat healthier a New Years' resolution? Yes, it began the day after New Years'. And yes, some of the challenges I hope to accomplish over the next year are some of the typical resolutions made on January 1st. The difference is that this is not something that is going to fizzle out in a few weeks. The difference is that I am choosing to fight for myself and to believe that I am worth it. The difference is that when I last checked, there were 6,190 other people around the world doing similar things and making similar choices in an effort to improve their own lives. There are 6,190 other people on this planet who have got my back and who can give me the encouragement I might need at the drop of a hat. There are 6,190 people I can go to if I have a question or concern about something in the meal plan or the workout videos. The support I've gotten in the past week from people I will probably never even meet has been incredible. And I need that encouragement.
The number I saw when I stepped on my scale to find out my starting weight will never show up there again. There will be a day, soon, when I will be able to wear all those clothes I had to put away because they didn't fit anymore. Soon, I may just have to go shopping for an entire new wardrobe because everything I own is too big. And one day, maybe I'll be able to look at myself in the mirror and thank myself for insisting that I was worth fighting for, even if I'm the only one doing the fighting. This is not a resolution, it's a lifestyle change.
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